Sorry for being MIA... I have just been in the middle of a self-pity-party.  Ridiculous, I know.  I think we've all been there though.  All I want to do is run.... and that's the only thing I can't do these days. 

This last week I went to an orthopedic doctor.  I was excited that I would get some answers and much needed guidance.  On Tuesday I got to the doctors office and an assistant brought me into a room and seriously twisted me in ways I didn't know I could move.  I was feeling ridiculous because I came in without pain.  That's how this has been going.  No  pain until at least a mile into a run.  Weird.  So the guy kept asking "Does this hurt?" and I would say, "No"... then he would ask again.. and I'd answer the same.  He then took me down the hall to get some x-rays.  I told him I felt stupid coming in not being in pain and he said not to worry and that it was better that I did come in to get some answers.  After that was done I waited back in the room for the doctor.

The doctor came in with some lady and starting spouting of terms to her that I didn't understand.  Then he told me to lay on the table and he too was stretching my leg around and popping my knee.  Again, no pain.  Nothing.  I was happy with that... but also nervous.  The x-rays looked great.  I was okay.  That was a relief... but why do I hurt after about a mile or so?  He said it wasn't my IT-Band because when he pushed on an area in my leg I felt no pain.  I owe that to the foam roller I think.  He told me that it was probably just over-usage and my muscles just needed time to recover.  I was still relieved... but it was a little anticlimactic.

Then he started talking to me about running being an addiction. He came right out and said "I believe you have an addiction."  That was awkward.  I mean yeah, I love to run and I love how it makes me feel... but if I were to miss a run- I'm not about to lose sleep over it.  Or if I had to decide between running a run/race or healing myself- I am usually good about not running it or stopping if I feel any pain at all.  Am I sad when I can't run due to injury?  Yes.  But that's because it's really my favorite thing to do.  I just shrugged his comment off and then it got a little more weird. 

He started asking me if I drank milk or if I was strict with my diet.  Then he started bringing up eating disorders.  He talked about me being at high risk for fractures because I don't take in a ton of calcium.  Okay, so that is something I need to work on.  But then he went a little further and started asking me about my monthly cycle and if I was irregular and what my history was like.  He then told me that I needed to gain about 20lbs because of how thin I am.  That statement did it for me.  I put up my hand and said "wait a sec.  You do know I am 4'11", right?"  My OBGYN told me to get down to the weight I am and I have maintained it for the last year.  I lost about 40lbs!  There is absolutely no way I am going to gain half of that back! 

Anyways... then he said "I see you are struggling with this... I am okay with you being around 115 (which I am) but you will want to consider gaining weight so you can have children.  Because you won't be able to get pregnant like this"  What? I AM struggling with this... the OBGYN told me to get down to around 115 so I could get pregnant.. and this guy is telling me to gain weight so I can get preggers... I just can't win!  We finally got off that subject and he told me that I need to keep running to a minimum and to "spin, spin, spin".  He said he didn't know if I would be healed in 3 weeks for the marathon- but that time is what is going to heal me.  Time.  I think I knew this all along.   I just got so frustrated with that slap-in-the-face-of-a-marathon and then not being able to run a mile due to pain- it just really got to me.  I am glad I went to the doctor to help me find out that  nothing  serious was wrong.  I'm just still feeling down and out about it all.  

So, that has where I've been... wrapped up in all of this.  It almost feels like a bad break up haha... because chocolate has been a good friend of mine this week ;-)